Fears.

In this chaotic world ruled by sentient electric meat, it’s safe to say nobody really knows what’s going on. Watching or reading the news is often full of WTF moments—and I don’t just mean BIG news, like the war in Ukraine. I mean anything that happens in Florida, or involves the death and destruction of innocent things.

Every day we stray a little further from God’s grace. LOL.

OR, has it been this way all along?

Below, you’ll find a list of the things that scare me most, and why.

Is humanity beyond saving? Do our fears transcend time? Are we capable of overcoming our fight-or-flight responses in a modern world?

Let’s find out why so many people live with anxiety disorders.

Nuclear warfare/poisoning

Ever since I read Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes as a child, I have been terrified of atomic bombs.

Even though you’re typically obliterated in an instant, it’s the possibility that gets me. It could just happen at any time.

I will literally be goddamned if I get nuked while I’m at work.

There’s not really a best-case scenario, but similar to natural disasters, I feel like I’d prefer to die with my husband and pets by my side. It terrifies me to think about my friends and family who live far away, and not being able to see them again.

And then there’s radiation poisoning.

If you’ve seen the limited series Chernobyl, you probably remember the horrifying depictions of radiation exposure. Radiation sickness can cause severe damage to the body, including nausea, burns, organ damage, and, in extreme cases, death.

You know. Fun stuff.

Radiation is also used therapeutically to treat cancer, which is one of those deeply weird facts about existence where the same general phenomenon can both help save your life and potentially destroy it.

I’m hoping bunkers make a comeback in the coming years.

Getting dementia and having no way to die

So hear me out.

Either you’re a vegetable with a functioning brain, or your brain is pudding but your body JUST WON’T DIE.

Neither of these scenarios is ideal, but it terrifies me to think about being stuck in time.

The idea of losing my memories—my identity—is a purgatory I can barely imagine.

Not being able to remember my husband or friends. Watching my body deteriorate while my ability to understand what’s happening disappears. Existing without knowing who I am or why I’m here.

Truly, a merciless way to go.

I’ve already given my husband full permission to pillow-face me if that time comes.

Please note: this is a joke and not a legally binding medical directive.

House fire

Whether I’m home or not, I love my things.

I have a nostalgic attachment to objects, and frankly, a lot of things can’t be replaced.

Let alone MY PETS.

I would simply pass away.

Every electrical outlet we have is a ticking time bomb.

According to the National Fire Protection Association, hundreds of thousands of homes experience structural fires in the United States each year, and thousands of people die from fires.

Honestly, firefighters are one of the only authorities I respect because they truly put their lives on the line to save people.

Fire is wild and unpredictable. If the conditions are right, it can burn entire forests. As scary as drowning is, if you don’t go to water, chances are you won’t drown.

Fire can come to you because of an accident or mistake.

Almost anything can burn.

Historically, people who were executed by burning could remain conscious for some time depending on the circumstances.

No thank you.

Killing a pedestrian

This is one of my OCD irrational fears.

Every time I drive, I’m like, oh no, better not run anyone over today.

People love to wear all black at night. They also love to ride their bikes too close to the road, or crosswalks while the hand is blatantly red.

I cannot be trusted to be fully aware of pedestrians as a partially blind person.

If they go, I go too—whether I drive off a cliff or disappear into the woods to live my life as a feral fugitive.

#justgirlythings

Sudden death

This includes aneurysms, choking, or dying unexpectedly in your sleep.

A hodgepodge of tiny serendipities that result in an instant, closureless death.

I’m more afraid of this for the people I love than I am for myself.

If I peace out, I probably won’t even know.

But if I find my husband unresponsive with voided bowels—which is, unfortunately, another constant OCD fear—I will once again simply pass away.

This is also a giant issue with senior pets.

It’s traumatizing, gross, and heartbreaking.

If it’s painless, sure, go ahead and die.

But I’ve already lived through this a couple of times, and I would prefer not to do it again.

Squirrels

Listen to me.

They are creepy.

Squirrels are too agile, their eyes are TOO BLACK AND OBTRUSIVE, and they annoy my dog.

Their one redeeming quality is that they’re nature’s gardeners, but they aren’t soft, they don’t taste good, and I would be terrified if one charged me.

It’s happened before.

This particular fella was THICC, so he had momentum.

I feel like a good portion of Midwest mammals are boring and typical. I would rather have an armadillo than squirrels.

At least an armadillo looks like it knows what it’s doing.

Electroshock therapy

If you’ve seen American Horror Story: Asylum, you’ll likely remember those shocking scenes of sponge in mouth, brain zapping.

I think this terrifies me so much because I recognize that, in the past, little Miss Hysteria—me—could have been subjected to horrific psychiatric treatments.

And, historically, women have absolutely been subjected to medical abuse under the guise of treating “hysteria” and other perceived mental or behavioral problems.

If it wasn’t over my personality disorder, it would’ve been conversion therapy to make me a little less, you know.

Me.

So yeah.

Hard pass.

Skn Wlkers

I debated including this because the concept comes from Navajo/Diné tradition and is part of a closed cultural practice. I’m not trying to appropriate or pretend I understand the tradition itself.

However, I do know the pop-culture version of the concept, and nothing terrifies me more than changelings.

I have a code word with my husband to prove he isn’t a shapeshifter who snuck into the house to devour my fleshy lard sack.

I’m very thankful that animals are attuned to the supernatural and Sable don’t take no shit.

There have been many unrelated occurrences where the pets have alerted me to something I couldn’t see or hear, but luckily cats function as gatekeepers of the unseen.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

Demons

So, technically, Ouija boards can’t summon demons.

But I do believe demons exist.

They’re all named in the Demon Codex, and if they want to mess with you, they’re strong enough to do so without needing you to draw a pentagram in your living room.

They don’t need a portal to our realm.

They just are.

People who circle-jerk over the concept of Lilith being Adam’s first wife and a symbol of feminism because she defied his rules also terrify me as a raised Catholic. 😅

Satanic imagery has always made me uneasy, mostly because of what it represents to me.

I don’t have a problem with Satanists. But theming your house around Baphomet and Belial?

The energy in the room is a little too heavy for me.

I prefer deities from Greek, Kemetic, Norse, Japanese, Hebrew, and other mythological traditions.

Give me Aphrodite.

I would like my supernatural entities to have better vibes.

The Fae

HERE WE GO.

I don’t fuck with the Fae.

This is how you go missing.

This is how you get cursed.

There are different types, to my understanding, that can be kind, like house fae and brownies.

But please, for the love of God, do not go looking for them.

You do not need to be wandering into the woods at midnight making deals with something that has existed longer than your bloodline.

Leave them alone.

They’ll leave you alone.

Probably.

Sharing drinks

I’m a little bit of a germaphobe.

Without fail, if I share drinks with anyone but my husband, I will get sick.

Not vomit-sick.

But here’s an upper respiratory infection you get to deal with for an indiscriminate amount of time sick.

Even if I use my own straw, or their glass doesn’t touch my lips, I am reminded of my body’s fragility and the fact that I would have for sure died in Victorian England.

You think I’m joking, but those people were dropping like flies over diarrhea.

Wet hair/finding hair in food

I don’t like disembodied wet hair.

I’ve become stronger since working in a meat factory, where I deal with congealed fat on a regular basis.

But hair?

Hair is human string.

There’s nothing like biting into food, feeling a hair tickle the back of your throat, and then slowly pulling it out.

It’s always slow.

It’s always grating.

It’s always gag-inducing.

And knowing how easily hair can contaminate anything makes it approximately 900 times worse.

As far as wet hair goes…

Think of the shower.

Running your fingers through tangles.

Cobwebs of fine thread lacing between your fingers.

Water somehow incapable of rinsing it away fast enough.

Pulling a lone hair from your ass crack.

I am disgusted.

Eyes exploding

Anything to do with eye mutilation.

I dissected a sheep eye in elementary school or sixth grade. It’s fuzzy—or should I say wooly—because apparently I have to make jokes while discussing ocular trauma.

The eye proceeded to leak black, inky liquid that smelled like chemicals.

The fact that eyes can rupture and require medical treatment is horrifying.

They can also just…pop out.

I’ve always worn glasses, so I’ve been spared many times from accidental eye extraction or abrasions.

I know someone whose cornea got scratched by their child’s fingernail and I never recovered.

I think about it more than they probably do.

Animals dying

I’m very much a Does the Dog Die? person.

If you aren’t familiar, it’s a website that lists potential triggers in movies, television, games, and other media so you can avoid them.

This isn’t limited to animal death. It includes things like drug use, abuse, suicide, illness, and other potentially upsetting content.

I get physically ill seeing animals being abused or killed.

Especially pets and farm animals.

Ignorance is barely excusable, but it is often fixable.

Neglect is downright evil.

Living on the same planet as people who intentionally hurt animals for fun brings me right back to topic number one:

Nuclear warfare/poisoning.

I have no issue being the executioner.

I will happily create a world of hellfire for anyone who thinks an animal’s life is less worthy than a human’s.

Maybe this is why I shouldn’t be in charge.

Giant boils

I’m putting pus under this category as well.

Maybe I’m having a bubonic plague flashback, but skin lesions are a hard no from me.

I used to have cystic acne, so I know how brutally painful infected skin can be.

Dr. Pimple Popper would be on repeat in Hell’s waiting room.

The smell of pestilence is a reminder of our body’s decay.

No thanks.

I would like to unsubscribe from the meat sack.

Home invader killing my pets

This topic coincides with the house fire blurb.

Nothing is scarier than the thought of being asleep—or away—and my dog getting shot trying to protect me or the house.

I truly think Sable would go as hard as she could.

She might even handle a couple of blows or a lousy shot.

But then it’s likely going to turn into a John Wick situation where I need an entire movie trilogy to avenge my pup.

I’ve also seen way too many scary movies where the killer skins the cat, dismembers it, and leaves it on Schrodinger’s plane where the protagonist doesn’t discover what happened until it’s too late to escape.

Cats are so sweet.

And literally what are they going to do!?

Nothing!

Besides eat their dead owner’s eyeballs.

Cats aren’t snitches.

Leave them alone.

Splints under fingernails

The recurring theme of this list is how terrified I am of losing things or enduring pain.

One of the greatest pains I can imagine is being tortured as a prisoner of war.

The thought of someone intentionally injuring my fingernails is enough to make my entire body clench.

I can almost feel it.

Which leaves me with some questions. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

There’s a movie I watched with Denzel Washington that involved torturing terrorists, and it was HARDCORE.

I think it might have been The Siege.

It doesn’t take a lot to make me wince, but that movie was a little too real. 🥲

Past life regression

This topic right here deserves its own blog post when the time comes.

I’ve briefly looked into past life regression, and it’s supposed to be a way of understanding your current fears, karmic trajectory, and reconnecting with your higher self.

I’ve also heard it can be incredibly traumatic because, depending on the belief system surrounding it, you’re essentially accessing memories of previous lives—including their deaths and traumatic experiences.

I’ve never really done any kind of hypnosis, so the thought of voluntarily entering an altered state and potentially uncovering something terrifying is…intimidating.

Past life regression is also controversial and taboo within belief systems where you’re supposed to live and die only once.

Which, honestly, I can respect.

One lifetime is already a lot of paperwork.

So what am I actually afraid of?

Looking back at this list, I think the recurring theme is pretty obvious.

I’m afraid of losing things.

I’m afraid of pain.

I’m afraid of helplessness.

I’m afraid of watching someone I love suffer while being unable to stop it.

I’m afraid of losing my identity, my memories, my pets, my belongings, my body, my autonomy.

I’m afraid of accidentally hurting someone.

I’m afraid of being trapped somewhere I can’t escape.

I’m afraid of things happening that I cannot control.

And, underneath all of that, there’s probably a very simple truth:

Being alive is fucking terrifying.

We are sentient electric meat piloting calcium skeletons through a world full of fire, disease, predators, accidents, other humans, and occasionally very aggressive squirrels.

Of course we’re anxious.

Maybe the goal isn’t to eliminate fear.

Maybe it’s to learn how to live despite it.

Because I could spend my entire life trying to predict every possible way something terrible could happen—and still get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Or a squirrel.

If I think of more deep-seated fears, I’ll happily write a Part Two.

It was actually pretty cathartic to write all of this out and break down the why behind it.

And if nothing else, I hope you enjoyed taking a brief tour through my personal psychological hellscape.

Sweet dreams. 🥰