Affirmations.

Positive self-talk is a superpower.

We live in a culture that rewards negativity because not liking ourselves is profitable. Fad diets, plastic surgery, overspending to keep up with the Joneses, commercialism—whatever feeds our insecurities, someone is willing to sell us a solution.

And yet, one of the easiest things you can do for yourself is completely free: speak kindly to yourself.

So many things make it difficult to celebrate ourselves for the little things. Mental illness, our peers, society’s antiquated expectations—all of these things can convince us that we aren't doing enough.

But we're all on different paths.

It is perfectly fine to be in your late 20s and just now starting school. It is normal to not want children. It is acceptable to not find your calling until you're 50. We put so much pressure on ourselves to have everything figured out by 18, when our brains haven't even finished developing.

I'm now 26, and during one of my last visits with my therapist, she pointed out something profound.

She asked me what kind of person I wanted to be.

I had never thought about it.

I know who I currently am. I know my past, mostly through my traumas. I know my present discomfort and stagnation. But who did I actually want to become?

She told me to make a list of the qualities I admire most in my favorite people. It reminded me of a quote I found that I loved:

“Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone.”

Kindness. Humor. Resilience. Patience.

These are all things I could easily list as qualities I deeply value in the people closest to me. So my therapist told me to write them down and then figure out how I could actually LIVE them.

Not just admire kindness, but practice being kind.

Not just wish I were patient, but find opportunities to practice patience.

Not just admire resilience, but learn how to keep going when things are difficult.

Create an action plan for becoming someone I could be proud of.

What an astounding thought.

Instead of constantly asking, “What's wrong with me?” I could ask, “Who do I want to be?”

That made me think about the power of positive self-talk, because I've been meaning to share some of my favorite affirmations for a while now. Maybe these words will help someone else as much as they've helped me.

I have healthy boundaries.

I am the main character in my life.

Change is a direction, not a destination.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Feel your feelings, but think before you act.

A breakthrough requires a break.

Memento mori. Memento vivere.

Where there is love, there is God.

I am loved.

Time will pass, regardless.

I choose kindness.

My body is awesome. It's where I live.

Surrender stardust.

You don't need to conduct autopsies on your disasters.

Solitude is a valid solution.

Don't give other people dominion over your happiness.

If it feels wrong, it probably is.

Apologize and forgive.

You can only control your perception.

You have nothing to prove. You don't have to earn your worth.

All of these are a culmination of things I've read, heard, or thought of myself. For me, I like reminders that I am in as much control as I can be—which holds me accountable for my own actions—but that I am also at the mercy of the universe.

And that's okay.

I used to take great pride in being abrasive. I wanted to seem tough. I enjoyed gossiping and talking poorly about other people because it made me feel like I had control over my own self-image.

Peace and light weren't cool.

And honestly, all these years later, I'm still not sold on chronic positivity.

I don't believe we need to turn every bad experience into a lesson or pretend we're grateful for things that hurt us. I believe all feelings have a valid place. Grief, anger, sadness, disappointment, fear—they're all part of being human.

But I also believe there is a difference between feeling something and allowing it to become your identity.

To me, negativity is when pain becomes an identity and accountability disappears. It's complaining about every aspect of your life while refusing to believe you have any agency within it.

And I've been guilty of that, too.

Sometimes growth means changing the way you speak to yourself. Sometimes it means changing your habits. Sometimes it means changing your environment.

And sometimes it means changing the people you surround yourself with.

That doesn't mean everyone who is struggling is bad for you, or that you need to abandon people who aren't growing at the same pace. But if someone's patterns consistently pull you back toward behaviors you've worked hard to leave behind, it's okay to create distance.

You are allowed to protect your growth.

It's uncomfortable to change. It requires courage to become unfamiliar with yourself. And sometimes the person you're becoming will no longer fit comfortably into the life you've built around who you used to be.

That's okay, too.

You will never speak to anyone more than you speak to yourself in your own head.

Be kind to yourself.

What a beautiful life we've been given, where we can make choices, have feelings, change our minds, connect with other people, and become something new over and over again.

Don't squander it.

Think about who you want to be.

Then do one small thing today that person would do.

Be kind when you could be cruel.

Rest when you need to rest.

Apologize when you're wrong.

Set the boundary.

Try again.

And when you do, give yourself credit for it.

You don't become the person you want to be all at once. You become them through thousands of tiny choices, repeated until they start to feel like you.

Maybe that's what positive self-talk really is.

Not convincing yourself that everything is wonderful.

Not pretending you're perfect.

Just reminding yourself that you are still becoming—and that you get a say in who you become.