Village.

Today is a rare occasion where I’m writing directly in browser, no polishing, just pixels.

Life is fucking weird. I feel like I have no friends right now—a lot of people do. We as a society are so lonely.
Everybody wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager.
So yeah, the past year or two (ever since I left my toxic marriage), it’s like everyone is going back INTO the woodwork now that I don’t need ‘saving’. I’m not sure how that makes me feel. The Wheel of Feelings would tell me it’s disappointment.

I work nights, so showing up for people can be hard, but I’ve always still done it. There’s a handful of events I’ve had to miss out on that I feel terrible about. For every 5 planned events, I’d make 3—guaranteed. The other 2 events came down to how much of myself I still had to give away. When you work 12 hour days, your designated working days focus primarily on survival. As an adult with 4 pets, their needs don’t cease just because I’m tired. My house doesn’t magically clean itself. Yet I make time for people. I reach out. I consider.

Being on the precipice of a potential marriage, I ask if I even want to plan the wedding I’ve dreamed of. No one shows up for me like I show up for them, so why would I want to put myself through that? On a more somber note, I ask the same about my funeral. Would anybody even come to dance on my grave?